The following is a query critique. Comments, suggestions and discussion are welcome and we hope you join in. I can only offer one opinion. The author of the query and I would love to hear yours!
Dear Ms. Ruth,
I would be delighted to submit for your consideration, Sidewalk Flower, my dark, romantic women’s fiction novel which is complete at just under 104,000 words.
In Sidewalk Flower, a musician’s assistant determined to leave the seedy grit of Rock Star, California for the downhome love of her southern boyfriend must endure one last cruel night in her old world first.
Ironically, the above sentence, which serves as both the introduction to and summary of your book, is too long but doesn’t tell us enough. Unfortunately, the result of this is a shrug from me. I’m thinking, “So? And?”
My gut tells me there’s something interesting here. The title is intriguing, as is the main character’s vocation. You’ve got 104,000 words that you’ve attempted to sum up in less than 40. I’d like your query to be roughly 250 words, give or take.
I think I can speak for my readers, too, when I say I’d like to see a do-over!
While as yet unpublished, I am a member of RWA, my local WRW chapter, and the women fiction writers group, Waterworld Mermaids.
I greatly appreciate your time and consideration and hope to hear from you if my work seems a good fit.
Posted on October 13, 2011, in Advice, book, literary agency, manuscripts, publishing, queries, Query Dice, rejection, slush pile, submissions and tagged conflict development, disjointed query, dos and donts, making your query stand out, plot description. character development, plot holes, queries, query, query length, query problems, querydice, rejection, romance, slush pile, standard query format, women's fiction, word count, writing, ya, young adult. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.