QueryDice #43: Women’s Fiction
The following is a query critique. Comments, suggestions and discussion are welcome and we hope you join in. I can only offer one opinion. The author of the query and I would love to hear yours.
Dear Ms. Ruth,
The greeting card world was in crisis. Hook Up cards were outselling Engagement cards, Divorce cards were more popular than Wedding Cards and Valentine’s Day looked like it was on the chopping block.
Amanda Downing is about to change all that. Of course she hadn’t planned on writing greeting cards, she really wanted to be writing best selling books about love. And she definitely hadn’t planned on falling in love with the man who specialized in Divorce cards, but I don’t really need the information that comes before my words here, the tenses are mixed and I’m a little confused…begin your query here —> when her graduate school plans fell through, twenty two year old Amanda finds herself accepting a temporary job at Sunshine Greeting Card Company.
However, Sunshine Greeting isn’t an average place. The company was founded on love letters and
it’s its owner has extremely eccentric hiring practices. As Amanda moves from Humorous Birthday with Kathy (I don’t really need her name), the vegan (is Vegan an adjective used to describe a person?), depressed, Slam Poet, to the Infertility Department where she works with an ex convict and a rapper (this is funny!), she learns enough about love to fill a book. Her book. But does she know enough about love to rescue Valentine’s Day (the holiday or the department?) from a cynical, heartbroken man? It’s worth a try.
It sounds to me like the conflict here is not that Amanda started working at a greeting card manufacturer, but rather that someone there has decided to cut Valentines Day out. I need to know why this is important to Amanda, how she sets about fixing the situation, and what sort of relationship she has with the antagonist. This query was very short, but if you cut out the beginning and focus on the conflict, it’ll be leagues better than the one I’ve just read. That being said, stick with it, author! This story sounds like so much fun. Good luck!
Sunshine Greeting is a completed 84,000 word women’s fiction novel. As a physician and a mother, I have found that humor is often the best way to get someone’s attention. And I want their attention. This novel is fun and over the top, but, at it’s core, [redacted] uses greeting cards to show how devalued love has become in our bad news obsessed society. Thank you for your time.
Posted on October 11, 2012, in Uncategorized and tagged conflict development, dos and donts, how to write a query letter, Lauren Ruth, making your query interesting, making your query stand out, queries, query, query example, querydice, slush pile, standard query format, women's fiction, writing. Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.